the supposedly fatt hau meme

April 12, 2007

I wrote this post a ago but I’m going to repost into this blog so I can tag new people.

Alright I know I’ve already tagged countless of innocent people before. Some of them may have replied and some did not. Perhaps the originality of the memes was the main sonnawabiatch that demotivates them further. One might not find it too attractive in filling pointless meme that demands the participant to name 7 best position to screw, the top 7 places you would rather love to have your fuck to take place, 7 reasons not to screw Paris Hilton, 7 assholes you’ve ever met or even 7 reasons why Crazy Frog should shag Bill Clinton or Monica Lewinsky if you may. IMHO, curiousity is not the main superhero that is going to murder the atrociously annoying cat. Redundancy does. So here is what I am needed to do with this meme:-

“You are in an alternate universe. You are a single person not involved in any relationship, and you have just published a New York Times bestseller. A movie studio has invited you to Hollywood to talk about a movie deal for three days, and as part of the wooing process, they offer to host a one-on-one dinner each night with the celebrity of your choice. Who would you pick? It could be a star you want to have a shot at ‘hooking up’ with, or it could just be someone you admire.”

Judging from what I’ve read above, my poonani brain tells me it also literally means:-You are hopeless. You’ve always been a loser in your pathetic life and you have just published the Gajah Berang Tribune Worstseller in any recorded history of all time. A porn studio has invited you to Angkasa Puri to talk about a multi-billion cetak rompak showbiz deal that is aiming to put Uncle Hoe’s business to shame blablablabla….

The Cast

Choosing the appropriate celebrities for this specific plot has been a very pain-in-the-arse process to me. Having said that, the process became easier when I was inspired by a movie I watched in the cinema, poisoned by a song that reminds me of a particular asshole who shriek himself in an audition room, and seduced by a beautiful smile that will put any penises into ‘anti-gravitiy’ mode. The selection of the cast was literally transformed into a game of ABC.

V showing off his newly rebounded hairdo.

Thanks to the unlimited monetary budget(basically financed from Uncle Hoe’s illegal businesses) I’m able to recruit a suppa-star studded cast for my mega blockbusthird project that are pathetically overwhelming enough to put Stephen Chow Hai’s “Kung Fu Hustle” back to where ‘it’ came from. To start with the selection, V will be taking the lead role who marks his impressive silverscreen debut in V for Vendetta by playing himself.

I chose this masked celebrity’s sexy voice over his looks. Well, it’s not like he has a permanent face anyway so it didn’t bother me that much. No, I’m not into Hugo Weaving, it’s the voice which psyches me up and turns me on (in a non sexual way of course). Sorry ya to all female fans who expected for a better looking shenanigan to show up. But he’s just so cute! Awww man….

Yummeh.

I actually had Natalie Portman in mind but since the botak beauty is already an established actress herself, my choice will go to tvb HK actress Myolie Wu simply because she’s my most sought after artist. Yuh you got that right, she’s from HK - The land where silly english names are translated to “glamourous”. Her name was AT LEAST ok, but have you ever heard somebody named himself Evergreen Mak or Power Chan in Malaysia?

Trust me, not even one sane ah beng would do that. I could be wrong with the funny names since I’ve recently bump into few chaps with really funny names but I will leave that matter for another day because I’m not going to elaborate further since this column is suppose to be Myolie’s.

Despite her ‘unique’ name, it’s the versatily is what gives her the edge over other former beauty queen turned actress. Give her any role and she will not let you down. From a super tomboy girl to a super kawaii girl and she can even express herself superbly as a retarded girl until I thought she was really a retard. Although she is already a household name among the chinese community, I suppose this is time for me to introduce this cheeky chick to the world and it will be the stepping stone for her to market herself at a bigger stage plus this will also gives her the opportunity to work with the only international suppastar that nobody else wants to work with (Look below).

Yes me tee hee…

Yeah him and guess what. This guy is the perfect candidate to play a villain and I say his facial expression is flawless. Look at his grin but don’t overlook his forehead. It’s trying to say “I’m Ebil” all over. To be honest with yourself, where else can you find a bad ass like him? He’s not your typical villain you’ll find in cinema you know, because he has the ability to deceive every one else except Nancy Seet with his innocent baby smile.

And this is what I call the perfection of the art of deception but he is also the only good looking artist I could find lah. But it’s not his good looks that impresses me the most. Due to his superb potrayal as an international dysfunctional singer in his award winning performance in his latest indie (independent, not indian) movie “William Should Be Hung”, is enough to crush my skepticism in shortlisting this bloke into my plans. Despite his raw talent, he has emerge to become one of teh hawtest entertainment commodity the world has ever seen! You gotta thank American Idol for giving us such a phenomenon.

Okay here is what every one is waiting for. I am suppose to write a best selling movie to the masses. With this movie, I am attempting the unattemptable by combining the elements of V for the Vendetta, Ju-On, and Kuch Kuch Hota Hai which I hope is addictive enough to attract audiences even like LaoZhaBor. I’ll begin with :

The Characters

William Hung as Villain Hung:-

This is a story about a young boy (Played by Hung) who would one day be launching a globalized revolution in the densely populated city, Kampung Jawa with his music and eventually becoming a singing dictator, Villain Hung in the music industry with his totalitarian iron fist rule where talented musicians or anybody who can even sing better than him (kids will not be spared) are kidnapped and tortured in his very own anti music brain-washing concentration camp. (Yes, he will need to hear more remarks such as “but sir, we might need more space for the prisoners since the people who can sing or even “cry” better than you are massive” said by one of his minions.)

Radio stations are taken over by Hung and he discard and ban any recording material that is deemed un-Villain enough. Imagine the time where Hitz, Fly, Mix.fm are no longer exist and will be altered to cater the requirements of the universal Hung.fm. It will be the time every one fears the most when he finally removes the national anthem and replaces it with “She Bangs“, done in his own redention (Note: Ricky Martin will be sentence to death by the singing squad, a trial that is judged and enforced by none other but Villain Hung himself). The singing squad is no laughing matter as they are highly trained and their ferocious pitch is annoying enough to kill Simon Cowell and his ill Divo.

V plays uhm… V himself:-

Fed up with Hungsters’ rule, V for Viva(played by V himself, again) who was an anarchist decided it was time for him to do something patriotic about the musical culture assassination that is crippling the Kampung and he vowed to make Villain pay for what he did to his eardrums. V was actually a very healthy kid growing up in the Kampung. He grew up listening to Faggot 4 (F4), Britney Spears, Nysnc, 5566, 999 and etc until one fine day, the arrival of Villain Hung changes everything he believes in.

His favourite idol posters were stripped, tore, burnt into ashes as he was forced to adopt Villain Hung’s poster(as shown above) and was even forced to apply on the dictator’s hairstyle because Villain sees glorification of global fashion sense as an extremely shameful act and it poses a threat to his dictatorship rule. Traumatized by the incident, V went into exile filled with humiliation and anger for many many moons. He was too malu to show his new image, and this was how he eventually transformed himself into the masked enigma as shown below.

ta-da!

Myolie as Bali:-

Myolie plays his love interest and an intimate partner Bali, was probably the only person who’s linked with V. Curious like any other women, she wanted to know what V is really like behind the mask after so many years in exile but V’s reply was simple, “First, you must discover whose face lies behind this mask, but you must never know my face.” But Bali’s real intention was to make sure she will not fall in love with a bloke who looks like Villain Hung lah.

The sypnosis
This is an era where every one are forced to worship Villain Hung, in other words, a very sodomizing era. People are made to listen She Bangs and I believe I can fly every single day. Those who resist, are immediately executed by the terrifying singing squad without mercy. As a result, an average of 101 mentally disorder victims are discovered every week.

New dress code were introduced to the entire population with Villain’s grinning face on it, a theme similar to Chairman Mao’s communism rule in China 40 years ago. Engineers, janitors, satay celup hawker, boshia, bojhan and everyone are expected to don the grinning face outfit and to adopt Villain Hung’s side parting hairstyle. For those who refused, will be sentenced to receive a free copy of DVD containing Villain Hung’s She bangs Music video.

As expected, people would rather wrapped themselves in the hideous outfit and comb their hair sideways than to watch the horrendous video. The total Hungster assimilation went without a glitch for 10 years. In order to increase his influence across the Kampung region, he created a reality show named “Project Suppastar”.

This show is created to cater singers like Villain himself and the objective is to scout as many talents as possible similar to him because he thinks this form of entertainment is the best way to spread his propaganda and his mediocrity to people. Of course this is also a very effective method to recruit new minions for his ebil organization. Think about The Apprentice, the musical version.

The tyranny rule of Villain has resulted to the emergence of the insurgency lead by an accidental but a mysterious hero named V. Superheroes are human too and despite the mask he’s wearing, he still has the abilty to fall in love. This is where the Kuch Kuch Hota Hai part comes in. He met Bali in a very secluded place (you know lah, superheroes has to be as discreet as possible) thinking that she’s deeply in love with him but it’s actually not the case because superheroes are very perasan individual nowadays. She is just not interested in becoming any other superheroes girlfriend, for example Mary Jane.

For obvious reasons, V is trying to impress Bali with his knives.

Although V is often disctracted by courting commitments, he adopts a very pirated tactics to fight against his oppressor. One of his famous tactic was his efforts in introducing Bit Torrent to his rakyat. With Bittorrent, it gave life line to his beloved people who has long suffered because BT is very capable of searching ‘real’ songs that are considered illegal under Villain Hung’s law.

Another V’s excellent tactic was the creation of the cd/vcd ciplak industry which proves to be very difficult for Villain Hung’s law enforcer to curb. Drastic moves were made, death sentences were even imposed on anyone who possess and smuggles cd/vcd yang diciplak. It was a vain effort as people are prepared to put their lifes in line. They would rather die than to suffer listening to Villain’s music. The insurgence grew and attracted many fanbois to fight alongside with Mr V. The unrest continues in Kampung Jawa.

So the question is: Will V ever win his battle against Villain Hung? Will V ever succeed in shutting Villain Hung with his pedang for good, or better know for the rest of the eternity? Can V convinced Bali that he’s not some fat botak behind that grinning mask? Will he ever capture Bali’s heart? To know the rest of the story, you may watch the upcoming movie only if it’s releasing and I’m not suppose to cerita the entire story coz this is after all, a sypnosis. (Actually hor, this is only a lame excuse from me because I suck at writing endings)

Summary

Writing this ‘movie’ is hard enough but finding people to tag is far more challenging. For those who I’m going to tag, don’t worry, you dont have to write a super long meme like mine because I’m already long winded and like to talk cock in nature but of course it will be great to know if you guys/girls are continuing this meme. You can take all the time to write but I am not asking you all to take forever ok?

The four unlucky person I’m going to tag is:-

1. hcfoo
2. Cedric
3. President
4. Ellone

Technorati Tags: William Hung, V for Vendetta, Myolie Wu, TVB, music, MTV, Simon Cowell, superstar, Americal Idol

Posted in Entertainment, Humor