Dear Heng Tai

April 23, 2007

Dear Heng Tai,

Are you surprise I’m writing this letter to you? Well I don’t really blame you because I’m surprised that I actually took the effort to write this lame letter too. But then don’t accuse me of being gay if the content of this letter shove a bull load of shivers down into your spine. Well you deserve it because you’ve been such a useless friend. But I’m also a useless friend in a way so I guess we are even.

Both of us are probably useless in our own right. You are useless but at least you did it with style while my uselessness is more realistic. I would like to thank you for annoying me ever since form 1. You have always been the great annoyer and I really tabik you for your utmost perseverance. I am very impressed with your persistency because it took me quite sometime to explode. Unfortunately, it was my fart that exploded, not my mind.

Not many people have the gift to piss me off real good except you. Sometimes I wonder if you are the chosen one. Chosen for the royal pisser that is. But I guess I had pissed you off in the same manner so I guess we are even, AGAIN. No hard feelings k? Do you believe that I actually lost the will to cuss in public ever since you left for bluer pastures? If I tell you that I’ve actually mellowed, you will have a very hard time believing me.

Not that I want to turn into a new leaf, but it’s not fun to cuss with some one else. There’s simply no chemistry sparring with a noob. The irony is, I actually felt offended if some one thinks they can cuss together with me just because we always cuss. Most of the time when I’m going to silent them permanently, I would just present my holy finger (the middle one) and they will STFU on the spot. I guess that’s how it got its ‘holiness’. I have to admit you are a great cusser.

Not even one single person could match your ruthlessness. There are many wannabes who declare themselves as the cussing maestro but most of them fall short because your phrases are catchy and natural. To put into simpler words, you are the Ronaldo of cussing, the Beethoven of swearing, Van Gough of artful screwing and the Einstein of witty profanities. Since you are already married and became a father, I truly understand that you had to retire prematurely from the cussing arena.

I am sure you do not want your kid to find out about your glorious days (well at least not when he’s still a baby). Just hope that this old friend will live long enough brag about it again when your son grows up. Can’t stand these wannabes. Because cussing excessively does not equate to a successful cusser. Creativity counts. In case you forgot, I am semi retired too. I guess my days are numbered. After blabbering few paragraphs away, this is not the real reason I wrote this letter. Forgive me for being long winded.

Wishing you a very happy 27^th Birthday is my real intention for writing this over the top letter. Oh I almost forgot I’m going to reach your age in few months time. Thanks for reminding me that I’m getting old too. Once again you are annoying and you suck. But that goes without saying. Despite this, you will always be my best heng tai in my butt.

Sinfully Yours,

Kai Tai.

PS:- Contrary to unpopular belief, this is not an angry letter. This has been the way we communicate even since we were kids so it would be pretty gay for us to be act polite with each other. Yes, that’s what good friends are for.

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