The joy of having the simplest ciken lice.

August 10, 2007

Warning to my muslim friends, non halal food ahead.

Mention Malacca, Chinese Malaysians from various states would think of Satay Celup and Chicken Rice Scrotum. Thinking of them alone is enough to create a new water fall on your jaw. Although one of the most famous satay celup restaurants are only few steps away from where I live, believe it or not I have not ate there for more than 2 years. Don’t get me wrong, I like satay celup but I have a weird habit.

I only go there when my relatives or friends from outstation come to Malacca. Chicken Rice Scrotum I mean balls on the other hand is a normal occurance in my dietary programme. Contrary to unpopular belief, I do not patronize the shitty Chung Wah and the uber shite Famosa restaurant for my weekly scrotum fix. Famosa is famous for their tasteless and cut throat prices while Chung Wah has finally attained cult status for their lousy service and their mediocre balls.

I seriously cannot fathom why many people would have the patience to queue up just to get their faces spat by these odious waiters. Well, maybe they know something I don’t. IMHO, Hoe Kee (not to be mistaken as hooker) is a safer bet than Chung Wah for tourists who are looking forward to get some decent balls. Taste however can be pretty subjective and some people might prefer the latter over the former. So you are free to disagree.

To be honest, these two restaurant is not my favorite joint because I prefer the one located in Melaka Baru. I’m not going to review their balls since I have yet to snap any photos of that place. Today, I’m going back to the basics and I’ll just talk about Hainanese Chicken rice instead.

The headless cikens reminds me of a scene from Apocalypto. Watch the movie then you’ll know why.

The Ciken Lice is quite simple, nothing extravagant, and yet it’s delicious. Did I mentioned it’s cheap? Sometimes I get pretty sick of sucking balls all day long, having a simple chicken rice meal can be equally satisfying enough for my taste butt. You can pick either steam or roast ciken but I generally enjoy both depending on my mood.

Poor Ciken being decapitated on the sacrificial altar. Should you boycott Ciken Lice after this? Should you?!?! Should you?!?!

You choose either one. You can have it with balls if you want. But I wouldn’t recommend it because making balls is not their forte. If you are all for balls conquest, then I’m sorry to say you have to look elsewhere to satisfy your fetish. There are two things I love the most about this ciken lice. It’s the soup and the chili sauce. Not many ciken lice joint in Malacca excel in the soup department. I have a soup fetish. Nothing is more satisfying than having a nice soup to drink after a satisfying meal.

If Leonardo Da Vinci was a chef Dan Brown would come out with The Da Vinci Balls.

A chicken rice is not complete without the presence of chicken. Am I making sense?

Amputated Chicken Feet with different kind of balls.

If you wish to have a nice chicken rice, do drop by the hawker centre located beside The Store (formerly known as Fajar). It’s too hard to miss it. If you do, you should get your eyes check at the nearest optometrist.

You can find gold here.

I think the picture alone is enough to tell you where it is. For non Malaccans, you can ask the locals where Legacy Hotel is. Should they refuse, by all means please shoot them. There is two ciken lice stalls though. Simply look for the stall in one of the pictures above. Better beware of the other stall because they have the unbeatable quality of Famosa Ciken Lice.

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Posted in Malacca, Eating Out