Introducing the Guide To Answering Questions Pelted By Foreign Media For Dummies and Bee Ann.
- Pretend not to hear the reporter or news caster if you are invited to speak via telephone.
- This tip is related to point number 1, but remember to use key words like “Hello?” and “What?!” at appropriate time. Best used when you are pretending not to hear the reporter’s question. If the condition worsens, make a buzz sound and blame it on the poor communication coverage. For example:-
- Shout the popular slogan, “we are a demokratik kantree! street protesting is soooo not our culture!” 3 times per day.
- Deny every allegations that cops are acting violent. Just tell them, they are actually being lenient by shooting chemical water/teargases instead of machine guns and running them over with tanks ala tiananmen style. As long there is no cases of casualties, it’s not violence.
- Defend the cops. Tell the reporters the cops actually love the citizens. Remind the media of the Malaysian climate and the cops are doing the people favor by cooling them with water canons.
- Remember to do comparison with other military junta ruled countries for self glorification.
- Accuse the foreign media of blasphemous reporting.
- Avoid giving direct answers to the interviewer. Giving direct answers is suicide because you may get sued for smearing the country’s jolly good image. Giving unrelated answers are always welcome. It is an indication that our “tanya lain jawab lain” brain washing therapy is bearing fruit.
- Eloquency in the English language can be overlooked. Colonial Language can go die.
- Rapping skills is optional.
- Dishonesty is the best policy, followed by fallacy.
- If you realized you are being made to look like an ass, be emotional, go ballistic, forgo your PR. Public relations, not PageRank you dick head.
Media: Sir, I just want to ask you. Why is it appropriate to use chemical laced water and teargases to disperse the crowds?
Mista Many: Hello?
Media: Why is it appropriate to use chemical laced water and teargases to disperse the crowd?
Mista Many: Hello? Hello?
Media: Sir, I am asking why is it necessary to use force?
Mista Many: Wha…? What?
Media: Why is it necessary?
Mista Many: Uhhh….. Ahhh…. First of all, we are a democratic kantree that do not allow demo. bzzzzz….. bzzzz…. bzzzzz……
Media: ……………………..
If you are able to master all the points above, you are one step away from becoming a legendary Bee Ann Propagandist. Bee Ann prevails!
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