Punching Hang Tuah in his face will get you a black eye.

December 5, 2007

As you guys know, there is a new amusement mini park in Malacca. It definitely lived up to its name because it definitely amuses me when I went there for the first time. Why am I amuse? I am amuse because I don’t remember tourists flock to Malacca for a ride on ferris wheel. Oh, maybe they are meant for local tourists. That is more believable at least.

Malaysians who came from other states are also considered tourists. A friend asked me if the wheel is going to be permanent. Well, with a wheel that cost 3.3 million ringgit, they better be permanent or else the politicians are going to jump like monkeys and strangle each other in the Parliament again. Some called it the Eye on Malacca, but I believe calling it as such is an understatement to the monument.

With the blackout that occurred not too long ago, I am going to call it The Black Eye of Hang Tuah instead. You know, I was not aware of its existence until the wheel was lit up for the first time. The spot used to be Malacca’s bus transit but when their operations were shifted to Malacca Sentral several years ago, the place was practically dead.

It used to be extremely difficult to hunt for car parks during day time but you know the place is effectively dead when you are able to find a place to park in like 1 minute? The old bus station spot is still dead during day time but with the launch of this new monument, at least it injected some souls back into this area.

Visitors will be able to enjoy Malacca’s aerial view although it’s not the only place to do so. Once the revolving Keris Tower is completed, there is going to be a new place to test your parachuting skills. I wonder if the state government is going to propose bungee jumping from the tower next time.

It might become another addition to tourism. Hey, people jumped off from a cliff, building, bridge but no one has ever jumped off from a Keris structure yet. So this is something new. Thank goodness they did not proceed with the Tower construction right opposite of the tourism office and the Stadhuys building. You know why?

It’s like constructing an Effiel Tower right in the middle of Taman Negara. Oops I am straying away from the main topic again. All right let’s go back to the ferris wheel topic. Man I suck because the Ferris wheel is just located within walking distance away from my place but this is only my first time there while some others traveled all the way from Muar to Malacca on its opening day.

It’s like how the famous satay celup joint is located just a walking distance away from my habitat but I have not eaten any of it for almost 500 days. So I finally went there yesterday. What was my impression? As expected, the place is packed with humans. Well such scenes are expected since the Wheel is obviously new.

Malaccans should rejoice because they can only ride ferris wheels twice a year in the past (fun fairs only appear during CNY and Hari Raya). So it’s kinda like a setahun hanya dua kali affair. With the emergence of this wheel, Malaccans do not only get to ride it every day, they also get to enjoy the smelly Venice of the east river for free at the same time.

Heh, that’s killing two cockroaches with one Ridsect. Initially I wanted to try the Wheel since it only cost 5 ringgit but my spirit was dampen by the amount of people in the waiting line so I decided to forgo my ride and concentrated on snapping photos instead. I am intrigued with their music selection though.

The Ah beng Techno cum rap is like their national anthem and my ears were greeted by the “Ahhhhh Yewwwww Lehhhhhh DYYYYYYYY” (it means “are you ready”) chorus. I tell yew, I’d rather listen to Amy Search any time over this piece of techno crap. With the pirate thingy swinging just above my head, the chorus might be altered to “AHHHH YEWWWW LEHHHHH DYYYY TOOOOOOOOO DYEEEEEEEE”.

Man, that was inspiring enough to lure handful of people to ride the wheel. Music malfunction aside, the lightings of the wheel is kind enough to my digital camera because I manage to take nice shots. There is one minor hiccup from this amusement park though. Despite being a ‘tourist’ spot, there were no public toilets.

Okay there is one, but it’s only open during day time and the wheel starts to move during night time. I seriously hope they are not expecting the patrons to urinate into the river since it’s more convenient for them to do so. Actually they can also do so at the restaurants located right opposite of the amusement park.

Man, those restaurants are going to earn lots of side income since their toilets are near enough and I think generally think people are lazy to walk a mile ahead just to find a free toilet. Hey paying the restaurateurs is fair because you don’t expect them to let you shit and pee for free ok? At least it doesn’t cost you 5 bucks to pee in a luxury loo in MidValley k?

Shots like this reminds me of a particular dialogue that goes like:-

Cunt: hiya babi!

Babi: HIIIIEEE CUNT!

Cunt: You wanna go for ride?

Babi: Ohhh sure Cunt…

Cunt: Jump on me!

Babi: lalalalalalala

Dialogue is inspired by a stupid Nordic band that called themselves Ah qua Zeroes who are famous for singing the forgetable one hit slumber “I am Babi Girl, in a fucky world” fame. But I like Turn Back Time though.

Technorati Tags: ferris wheel, malacca, tourism, Malacca River, Venice of The Beast

Posted in Entertainment, Malacca, Sarcasm