I think something what the majority of young Malaysians would not do today. I walked under the hot scorching sun even though I can easily drive. But you know lah, when you hear grand fuckers in the Parliament who said they are going to increase the electricity tariff and petrol next year, this is the best time to practice walking.

So where are the good places to walk in Malacca? Well any places you walked without being hit by a speeding car is consider a good walk. So I chose this place. This is Malacca river 50 years ago. Okay I lied. It’s just another black and white effect i tested out and this shot turned out to be nice.

This place is recommended if you do not mind the longkang water smell along your journey. One would wonder if Malacca river is a large longkang in disguise. But compare to several years ago, it was much worst. People still come to this river to fish though. 30 years ago, it is so much easier to catch fishes from this river. Fast forward 30 years, plastic fishes like the one on the bottom are abundant.

Hey plastic fishes are so abundant there is a specialized sampan for them to hunt them down.

As I was walking along the river, I noticed something new. This river has finally become a busy transit for boats. Not fishermen boats, more like tourist boats. Ever since Malacca river was declared as the self-proclaimed Venice of the East, such boats are a common sight.

Next time I should try riding on one of them. I am embarrassed to say, although I have lived in Malacca for almost 27 years excluding 9 months I spent in my mother’s womb, I have never ride a boat in this river. It is weird because I had ride the stupid boat at Mines Slumberland but not Malacca.

In the past, it is blasphemous to name a boat after a famous bendahara

These boats are no ordinary boats because it acts like a town bus. Don’t believe me? You can see secara selambanya this boat parked on the side of this river, carrying extra passengers. I can hear the boat operator shouted at the guy “Woi lahanat, mau naik tak?!?”. Malaysian courtesy at its best.

Then hor, this boat can gostan and accelerate some more. Bloody hell, luckily I don’t have to shower tonight.

So next time when it floods again, we can ride town boat to work ok? I mentioned earlier that this river has become very busy. I said so because I can see at least two boats of the same model cruising on the river against each other. When there are too many boats on a river, there are bound to be accidents and mishaps. Although I did not see any accidents today but I spotted a boat that was in peculiar position.

At first I thought the boat operator wanted the bring the passengers to try Malacca sunbathing. But it turned out that this boat was out of fuel. How I know? I can hear the boat operator shouting on his cellphone for his fuel, coupled with strings of profanity as usual.

He should thankful that the boat was only out of fuel and they are not stranded in the violent ocean. Otherwise many people are going to jump into the sea before the boat sinks. In this situation, the passengers can just jump to the kampung. Jack and Rose of the Titanic fame was not spotted by the way. I would voluntarily throw them out from my boat if I ever have passengers like Jack asses and Rose. I have to snap this photo from this angle because the path way was covered with plants.

Traveling from this path way is not boring because you get to see beautiful Malay Village on the other side of the river. Remember to bring insects repellent though. They can be quite a nuisance with all the thick plants around. If you don’t want them to suck your blood like a bunch of insect piranhas, please bring your own repellents. Or you can pretend you are visiting Insect Park for free. You can find lots of interesting structures here.

You can find patriotic houses that are still in the mood for Merdeka.

You can find nice suraus here.

You can even find an accidental temple in this secluded spot.

You can also enjoy Malacca’s limited skyline from this path way with a bird trying to do a suicide attack against the hotel on the right. Don’t laugh, these are some of the tallest buildings in Malacca. But soon the title is going to be taken over by Penis Keris Tower.

Don’t worry about falling into the river because you’d be rescued immediately and transported to the hospital which is the grey building on the left in a flash. Pretty convenient, don’t you think? There’s a catch though. It only applies when some one spotted you falling into the river.

Nothing I can say about this photo but it’s my favorite noob shot.

One last thing I would like to say, couples can perform their paranormal activities here because it looked something like this at night. Once again, Please remember the insect repellents if you do not want them to bite your naked ass. Brought to you by your unfriendly neighborhood stalkerazzi.

Technorati Tags: Malacca river, Medan Selera Bunga Raya, tourism, boats, flood, insects, Malacca

Straits Settlement like Malacca and Penang is famous for their past colonial buildings such as A Farmosa and Fort Cornwallis. Err, no. I am not going to write another boring review on A farmosa. I think by this period, every one would know what the hell A Farmosa is. It is a pity that a large fort of its stature has been reduced to a gate. You can still find abandoned buildings in some places though.

The only difference is, they are not abandoned by the colonialists, they are abandoned by developers. Seriously, they are such an eyesore because this ‘ancient’ ruins does not stand tall in some amazon jungle but it is being erected right in the middle of a bustling neighborhood. The construction started almost 14 years ago when I just started my secondary school education in form 1.

I remember it took them about 4 years to dig a damn large hole in the middle of their surrounding buildings. One would wonder if they are digging a mausoleum for the chief minister or excavating a burial site. Cracks began to appear at the neighboring buildings where it used to be a shopping center. This abandoned building is suppose to be a hotel but the construction was halted several years ago.

The building may be abandoned, but now it is being inhabited with new ‘residents’. No, do not let your imagination run wild. It’s not Umbrella’s Corp Resident Evil. This place has become a breeding ground for mosquitoes and you can imagine once it rains, there are going to be lots of openings that will be clogged with fresh or dirty water. Not like it matter anyway because the mozzies are going mate till kingdom come.

Who knows this place might even be a haven for drug addicts and couples looking for ush ush activities. I can tell you this is one abandoned ‘fort ‘that Malaccans do not wish to keep. Maybe it might become a valuable site in 200 years time eh? Heh, the authorities are so gung ho at demolishing mosques, churches and temples but you don’t see the same treatment given to an abandoned building that poses an obvious threat towards the public.

Do I need to tell you there was a dengue outbreak within the vicinity of the neighborhood during the great flood last year? Oh yes, I just remember. These buildings are technically legal. Don’t even tell me such sceneries are common in malaysia.

Technorati Tags: malacca, history, ancient ruins, demolishing, dengue, flood, outbreak

Sigh. It’s the end year again. It means it rains a lot. It also means more mozzies will be unleashed to kill us all. Okay not quite, but it’s a mozzie season. So many of them. As usual, our place will be fogged up. Well this place is a dengue area and they ought to pay attention to this area. But the mozzies doesn’t seem to be affected with this fogging process and they continue to breed like there is no tomorrow. I think hor, we will die of suffocation first before the mozzies do.

As you guys know, there is a new amusement mini park in Malacca. It definitely lived up to its name because it definitely amuses me when I went there for the first time. Why am I amuse? I am amuse because I don’t remember tourists flock to Malacca for a ride on ferris wheel. Oh, maybe they are meant for local tourists. That is more believable at least.

Malaysians who came from other states are also considered tourists. A friend asked me if the wheel is going to be permanent. Well, with a wheel that cost 3.3 million ringgit, they better be permanent or else the politicians are going to jump like monkeys and strangle each other in the Parliament again. Some called it the Eye on Malacca, but I believe calling it as such is an understatement to the monument.

With the blackout that occurred not too long ago, I am going to call it The Black Eye of Hang Tuah instead. You know, I was not aware of its existence until the wheel was lit up for the first time. The spot used to be Malacca’s bus transit but when their operations were shifted to Malacca Sentral several years ago, the place was practically dead.

It used to be extremely difficult to hunt for car parks during day time but you know the place is effectively dead when you are able to find a place to park in like 1 minute? The old bus station spot is still dead during day time but with the launch of this new monument, at least it injected some souls back into this area.

Visitors will be able to enjoy Malacca’s aerial view although it’s not the only place to do so. Once the revolving Keris Tower is completed, there is going to be a new place to test your parachuting skills. I wonder if the state government is going to propose bungee jumping from the tower next time.

It might become another addition to tourism. Hey, people jumped off from a cliff, building, bridge but no one has ever jumped off from a Keris structure yet. So this is something new. Thank goodness they did not proceed with the Tower construction right opposite of the tourism office and the Stadhuys building. You know why?

It’s like constructing an Effiel Tower right in the middle of Taman Negara. Oops I am straying away from the main topic again. All right let’s go back to the ferris wheel topic. Man I suck because the Ferris wheel is just located within walking distance away from my place but this is only my first time there while some others traveled all the way from Muar to Malacca on its opening day.

It’s like how the famous satay celup joint is located just a walking distance away from my habitat but I have not eaten any of it for almost 500 days. So I finally went there yesterday. What was my impression? As expected, the place is packed with humans. Well such scenes are expected since the Wheel is obviously new.

Malaccans should rejoice because they can only ride ferris wheels twice a year in the past (fun fairs only appear during CNY and Hari Raya). So it’s kinda like a setahun hanya dua kali affair. With the emergence of this wheel, Malaccans do not only get to ride it every day, they also get to enjoy the smelly Venice of the east river for free at the same time.

Heh, that’s killing two cockroaches with one Ridsect. Initially I wanted to try the Wheel since it only cost 5 ringgit but my spirit was dampen by the amount of people in the waiting line so I decided to forgo my ride and concentrated on snapping photos instead. I am intrigued with their music selection though.

The Ah beng Techno cum rap is like their national anthem and my ears were greeted by the “Ahhhhh Yewwwww Lehhhhhh DYYYYYYYY” (it means “are you ready”) chorus. I tell yew, I’d rather listen to Amy Search any time over this piece of techno crap. With the pirate thingy swinging just above my head, the chorus might be altered to “AHHHH YEWWWW LEHHHHH DYYYY TOOOOOOOOO DYEEEEEEEE”.

Man, that was inspiring enough to lure handful of people to ride the wheel. Music malfunction aside, the lightings of the wheel is kind enough to my digital camera because I manage to take nice shots. There is one minor hiccup from this amusement park though. Despite being a ‘tourist’ spot, there were no public toilets.

Okay there is one, but it’s only open during day time and the wheel starts to move during night time. I seriously hope they are not expecting the patrons to urinate into the river since it’s more convenient for them to do so. Actually they can also do so at the restaurants located right opposite of the amusement park.

Man, those restaurants are going to earn lots of side income since their toilets are near enough and I think generally think people are lazy to walk a mile ahead just to find a free toilet. Hey paying the restaurateurs is fair because you don’t expect them to let you shit and pee for free ok? At least it doesn’t cost you 5 bucks to pee in a luxury loo in MidValley k?

Shots like this reminds me of a particular dialogue that goes like:-

Cunt: hiya babi!

Babi: HIIIIEEE CUNT!

Cunt: You wanna go for ride?

Babi: Ohhh sure Cunt…

Cunt: Jump on me!

Babi: lalalalalalala

Dialogue is inspired by a stupid Nordic band that called themselves Ah qua Zeroes who are famous for singing the forgetable one hit slumber “I am Babi Girl, in a fucky world” fame. But I like Turn Back Time though.

Technorati Tags: ferris wheel, malacca, tourism, Malacca River, Venice of The Beast

Heh I didn’t know Malaccans love material girl so much to imprint her name in this building. Either Malaccans love her too much or Madonna shamelessly pull her pants to have her name here. This is no Hollywood, not MollyWood or even Ken Wood to begin with. I can’t remember if Madonna ever stepped her foot in Malacca.

Maybe Malaysia, but I can’t remember Malacca. Did Madonna came to Malacca after hearing the over rated Chung Hwa restaurant that serves people who stupidly lined up to savor upon their slimmey balls? Did she realize her upper balls is getting saggy so she’s getting nutrition from other kind of balls?

I will shoot any one who spread this rumor. I thought rumors only works on politics and celebrity gossips. I didn’t know it works for food. But at least Malaccans can boast to have a Madonna Building even if the name is actually refering to another person. Just like how powerful branding works. Mention Madonna, most of the peeps would automatically point to the Material star.

ps:- I actually know why this building is named after Madonna. Just blogging about it from the Material entertainer’s point of view.

Technorati Tags: material girl, madonna, Malacca, super star, singer, Chicken balls

Whoever design this environment friendly auto mobile is a pure genius. It’s probably the first Malaysian made eco friendly car. It makes me proud that a fellow Malaysian has successfully designed a vehicle of such stature.

It is no secret that fossil fuel burning vehicles are polluting the environment in large scale. So it touches my heart this particular car designer has finally acknowledge the problem and he decided to put all his life into this project.

It makes me even proud that he’s actually a fellow Malaccan. Just look at the success of the local made organic car. It’s green and it’s natural. You can actually see leaves are growing around his tayar. But I don’t think it’s great idea to drift with the leaves dangling around the tayar absorber though.

Maybe next time when the technology is copied by China, then we can drift safely. That being said, the technology is far from complete. By the time he finishes his project, we are going to see more green cars than green houses.

Despite all his efforts and success, it irks me when he fail to take notice at one thing. Did you see the rubbish beside his car? Tsk it can be detrimental towards his green campaign. It doesn’t go too well if he is advocating Green Piss campaign but in the other hand, dumping rubbish right beside his prototype. People might also start accusing him for “cakap tak serupa bikin”.

Saw the number 50 on that rubbish? Reminds me of a nation that just celebrated her 50th birthday not too long ago. Whoever the rubbish thrower is, he must be very patriotic. For leaving his legacy behind.

Technorati Tags: global warming, green cars, cars, organic cars, bio cars

Tell me what is wrong with this picture.

Still clueless? It’s okay since you do not have to become Sherlock Holmes to figure out what is wrong with it. So let me magnify the picture.

Here, is everything clearer to you now? Isn’t this the most obscene thing you have ever seen? Very very obscene to me balls. How can you place the Jalur Gemilang beside a Fook Hotel?

Given the recent hoo-haa regarding the flag burning issue, this hotel should be charge for insulting the national flag. Why this hotel isn’t charge for treason? Why the double standards?

This hotel is too bold man. This is as bad as burning the flag. Most of the hotels of such nature operates in discrete nature and you have this premise that openly promote such activity! Can proudly advertise itself as Fook Hotel some more!

It’s understandable that some hotels provide facilities for fooking business in order to offset their losses during off season but this is outrageous man! It annoys me this hotel owner has the nerve to decorate his Fook signboard with the national flag. The Jalur Gemilang is sacred, holy and should never be desecrated! Uphold the integrity and dignity of the flag of our fathers.

PS:- Many thanks to Chait for pointing this out. I have to say her observation skills are 100 times better than mine.

PPS:- Please ignore the first character before the Fook word. Just pretend it isn’t there.

Technorati Tags: fook hotel, motel, budget hotel, jalur gemilang, flag, malacca

It’s not surprising I had put on more weight over the past few months when I have 5 meals per day at least. BI am grateful that Malacca is bleeing born and bred in a Malacca, you are bound to gain some weight by eating here. ssed with many delicious food. Although I generally other cities in Malaysia such as KL and JB, I still love Malacca the best. My 2nd favorite city is Penang.

I was bored on the day before so I went around my neighborhood to snap some photos. I am not armed with a huge ass DSLR, was only equipped with a simple Fuji camera. But it’s good enough for me since I’m not a pro anyway. Maybe when I get bored with the Fuji then I might start investing in a Nikon D40.

I spotted a rainbow, but the lens cannot shoot far enough, so this is the best I can produce. It look like a whirlpool or a tornado. But I’m sure no one went to look for the gold pot.

The sun was setting, so I realize this is a good opportunity to shoot since I have yet to capture such photos. Still a noob in photography so please bear with me. My current skills are only limited to Point and Shoot technique lol and that’s not something I’m proud of.

This is my favorite shot. Looking at this picture makes it feel like I’m in the heaven on earth. Another amateur work of mine.

Technorati Tags: malacca, beautiful sunset, photography, DSLR, digicam, home

Warning to my muslim friends, non halal food ahead.

Mention Malacca, Chinese Malaysians from various states would think of Satay Celup and Chicken Rice Scrotum. Thinking of them alone is enough to create a new water fall on your jaw. Although one of the most famous satay celup restaurants are only few steps away from where I live, believe it or not I have not ate there for more than 2 years. Don’t get me wrong, I like satay celup but I have a weird habit.

I only go there when my relatives or friends from outstation come to Malacca. Chicken Rice Scrotum I mean balls on the other hand is a normal occurance in my dietary programme. Contrary to unpopular belief, I do not patronize the shitty Chung Wah and the uber shite Famosa restaurant for my weekly scrotum fix. Famosa is famous for their tasteless and cut throat prices while Chung Wah has finally attained cult status for their lousy service and their mediocre balls.

I seriously cannot fathom why many people would have the patience to queue up just to get their faces spat by these odious waiters. Well, maybe they know something I don’t. IMHO, Hoe Kee (not to be mistaken as hooker) is a safer bet than Chung Wah for tourists who are looking forward to get some decent balls. Taste however can be pretty subjective and some people might prefer the latter over the former. So you are free to disagree.

To be honest, these two restaurant is not my favorite joint because I prefer the one located in Melaka Baru. I’m not going to review their balls since I have yet to snap any photos of that place. Today, I’m going back to the basics and I’ll just talk about Hainanese Chicken rice instead.

The headless cikens reminds me of a scene from Apocalypto. Watch the movie then you’ll know why.

The Ciken Lice is quite simple, nothing extravagant, and yet it’s delicious. Did I mentioned it’s cheap? Sometimes I get pretty sick of sucking balls all day long, having a simple chicken rice meal can be equally satisfying enough for my taste butt. You can pick either steam or roast ciken but I generally enjoy both depending on my mood.

Poor Ciken being decapitated on the sacrificial altar. Should you boycott Ciken Lice after this? Should you?!?! Should you?!?!

You choose either one. You can have it with balls if you want. But I wouldn’t recommend it because making balls is not their forte. If you are all for balls conquest, then I’m sorry to say you have to look elsewhere to satisfy your fetish. There are two things I love the most about this ciken lice. It’s the soup and the chili sauce. Not many ciken lice joint in Malacca excel in the soup department. I have a soup fetish. Nothing is more satisfying than having a nice soup to drink after a satisfying meal.

If Leonardo Da Vinci was a chef Dan Brown would come out with The Da Vinci Balls.

A chicken rice is not complete without the presence of chicken. Am I making sense?

Amputated Chicken Feet with different kind of balls.

If you wish to have a nice chicken rice, do drop by the hawker centre located beside The Store (formerly known as Fajar). It’s too hard to miss it. If you do, you should get your eyes check at the nearest optometrist.

You can find gold here.

I think the picture alone is enough to tell you where it is. For non Malaccans, you can ask the locals where Legacy Hotel is. Should they refuse, by all means please shoot them. There is two ciken lice stalls though. Simply look for the stall in one of the pictures above. Better beware of the other stall because they have the unbeatable quality of Famosa Ciken Lice.

Technorati Tags: chicken rice ball, chicken balls, malacca, malaccan cuisine, Satay Celup